Well I've thought a lot recently what I want to do with this blog now that the surrogacy is over. And I feel it is time to close down this old blog. I hardly post anymore, and those of you who are interested can visit N's blog for updates on the babies and N and B. I'll leave the blog up, just in case our story is someday found by someone and can help someone who is embarking on their journey for the first time. Also, leaving it up is a good idea just in case A) N and B ever ask me to do a sibling project, or B) by some crazy chance God shows me another couple to help (this has crossed my mind a few times). That way I'll have some place to blog about a new journey.

It's a been a wonderful journey. I have learned so much about myself, and for that I am forever grateful for this experience. The post-partum experience has not been without it's difficulties, but in ways I had never anticipated. I am thankful for my faith, which has brought me through, for good friends and family who are willing to listen and try to understand, and most of all to God, for showing me how sometimes you have to go through both the high places and the valleys in order to become who He desires you to be.

Thanks for those who followed my journey. I hope you enjoyed the ride--I know I did. And to those just starting out, I wish you the best of luck, may God grant you wonderful journeys and a healthy, happy baby for your IP's.

Wow, the twins are two months already (almost)! I had a chance to see them this Monday for a little playdate with the ladies from our Bible study and my sister in law. They are getting so big! I think N said they were each about 10 pounds, and drinking about 60 ounces total a day between the two of them.

Here is a pic of N, doing the dual feeding that only a mommy of twins has the talent to do:



And here is a picture of dh and I feeding the twins a few weeks ago after Bible study at N and B's house.


Hope you enjoy the pics!

As for me, my new goal is getting back into shape. My parents got me an elliptical for Christmas and since my 6 week check up I've been trying to use it every day, along with doing crunches. The bad news is that my ob said that the skin on my stomach is so stretched that it probably won't go back to normal even with sit ups (basically she said it wont go back without a tummy tuck). I've looked at it (of course!), and it does look damaged, but I haven't totally given up hope that it will go back to normal. In terms of weight loss, I have only about 8 pounds left to go; the rest just sort of came off post partum. So, that's been the news in my life. Hope you enjoyed my update!

Well, I know things have slowed down a bit since I had the twins. But that's to be expected, right? I do have one piece of news for you all. I'm finally finished weaning.

For those of you who didn't know, I was pumping for the twins. N and B and I had talked about it during the pregnancy, and I told them I would try it for a month, and then kind of see how it was and go from there. I sucessfully made it to a month (technically, it was a week or so longer, but who's counting!), but to be frank, it was really hard! I breastfed my youngest daughter for the entire first year, but breastfeeding is SO different than pumping exclusively!

Here's how my schedule went:
7:00 am first morning pumping--30 minutes
9:00 am pump while my toddlers eat snack and play--20 to 30 minutes
11:30 am pump while my toddler eat lunch--20 to 30 minutes
1:00 pm power pump (20 on, 10 off, 10 on, 10 off, 10 on) while my kids nap
3:00 pm pump whle my kids eat snack--20 to 30 minutes
5:30 pump, Raymond watches the kids--20 to 30 minutes
8:30 pm pump--20 to 30 minutes
10:30 pm pump--20 minutes
3 or 4 am--middle of the night pump whenever I awakened

As you can imagine, this schedule was really hard for me to keep up with. And this was just the minimum amount of pumps "they" suggest to get your supply in! After a couple weeks of this, I went down to 7 pumps a day (from 9), hoping that would help me continue pumping longer for the babies. It worked to relieve stress, but my supply tanked, so I went up to 8 a day for a while. Finally, I had to just admit to myself that pumping was just too much for me to do with all the other responsibilities I have as a mom and a wife. It was also really frustrating to know that no matter how much I did, no matter how hard I worked at it, I could only provide about half of what the twins needed on a daily basis. Combined, they were eating about 68 ounces a day. The most I ever made was 33.5 and my average was closer to 27.

So, I can say that I gave it a go. I think I donated close 1000 ounces of breastmilk, can you believe it? I do wish I could have kept it up, but I know that I gave it my all...I can honestly say that I did everything in my power to continue and still be able to keep up with my other responsibilities, and it just wasn't possible.

The good news is that N and B have found a formula that both babies tolerate, and they are thriving on it. I just delivered my last 5 ounces of milk to them last night, so hopefully they enjoyed it! ;) They are getting so big now! Both are in the 9 pound range and are just solid little babies (not to mention totally adorable!). Raymond and I had a chance to feed them last night. You should have seen us; they were napping the whole time we were visiting, but finally woke up for a feeding and the both of us jumped up to hold them! We'd been waiting all night to hold those cuties!

It's funny, I usually don't gravitate toward babies (Raymond does though), but I do feel like I know Baby K and Baby N in a different way than I know other babies. I actually enjoy holding them and spending time with them, which isn't normal for me. It's always a treat when I get to see, hold or feed one of them! It's also nice seeing N and B growing as parents. It's so cute the way they are now the experts on all things baby. People are always asking how the babies are doing and how N and B are managing parenthood. I feel really blessed to be able to provide them with answers; it reminds me that I am very privilaged to still be in their lives and to see how things are going as a new family.

Certainly I can't say I've got it all figured out; nor can I say I am even close to even having it all figured out. But I made this video just to share my perspective on why I am so thankful for the experience of being a gestational surrogate. That it was posted on the last day of 2008 is appropriate, don't you think? "Baby Watch 2008" is coming to an end in some ways (though it doesn't mean I'll stop posting--after all you can't expect a blog addict like myself to give up blogging cold turkey). A new year is here. It's sure to be a year of extreme joy and fulfillment for N and B. For myself, the new year marks a new beginning, a new chapter in my life. I plan to look fondly back on 2008 and try to retain the lessons I've learned throughout the year. And I plan to look forward to whatever new experiences may come my way. Hopefully, this year I can continue to learn and grow, and become more of a giving person through the strength of the Lord.

There is audio on the video, so turn your volume on if you wish. :)

Wow, seems like forever since I was pregnant with the twins, but I haven't even reached my due date yet! Can you believe they are going on three weeks already? Things have been getting back to normal here. Raymond went back to work about a week and a half ago and I took over my regular chores and activities at home. It's been hard, but I am getting used to life as usual now.

N and B and the babies came over the day before Christmas Eve and we spent a little time celebrating Christmas together. It was really fun, and the first chance my kids had to spend a good chunk of time with the babies, and of course N and B. They loved holding them and looking at them. Raymond and I got to feed them and cuddle with them. All in all, we had a really nice time.

I am still pumping for the twins, and making about 30 ounces a day. My highest was 33.5 ounces, still not enough to feed them both full time as they drink about 40 ounces on average, but I am happy with how much I am making. I had to come to terms with the fact that I just may not produce enough to ever feed them full time, and that's okay. I've got to balance living my life with my family with pumping for the twins... My first goal is to get to a month of exclusively pumping and then to re-evaluate if I will continue pumping from there.

Raymond and I had a really lovely holiday. We spent Christmas Eve at home with the kids and Christmas Day with my parents and brother and his family. Tonight we will be going out on our first date since before I went on bedrest! What fun!